Old friends

Over the last two and a half years I've had some of my Mormon friends contact me.  It was by no means an overwhelming amount of my old community reaching out to me.  It was more like few and far between.  At first I tried to maintain a select few of my old church friendships.  But it wasn't long before I realized that my departure from Mormonism meant I was no longer part of the club.

Being that I left the club of my own choosing, it was fine with me that I wasn't included in my old group of church friends anymore.  At first it was hard on me, because I really had no other friends.  I soon realized these weren't true friendships though.  Wouldn't a true friend reach out and ask you all about a major life change you were going through?  Wouldn't a true friend just be there for you?  Wouldn't a true friend contact you more than once in a blue moon (or when "god" prompted them to)?  I don't blame these women for not being there; I understand fully what it is like to be in their shoes...the shoes of a Mormon woman.

Even in the last few weeks I have had these once-upon-a-time-ago friends try to contact me.  I get it, you either are curious or have been prodded by your religion to see how I'm doing and help me find my way back to the fold.  Some days it feels like a slap in the face to hear from these people.  You practically shunned me, now you need to satisfy your curiosity or score some points with your god?  C'mon, think about it before you selfishly try to get back in contact with me.  If I haven't made the effort to contact you, that should really be reason enough to leave me alone.  Unless of course you have embarked on the journey of leaving the Tower, then I REALLY want to talk to you. 

It may seem callous of me to say these things, but really it's just me looking out for myself.  I'm still recovering from Mormonism.  Some days are good and some are bad.  I am still in contact with my Mormon family, but sometimes I let weeks or months go by without talking to them.  Some days it is just too painful to be reminded of the culture I left behind...the culture that I now find so damaging.

To those "old friends" who by chance may see this, just know that I'm not actually mad at you or dislike you.  I just need space at this time to recover.  Maybe someday it won't be painful for me to be friends with a Mormon, but right now is not the time.  And if it's curiosity you need satisfied, you can find me here, at my personal blog, or my personal IG account.

Namaste.